2007 was not such a great year in our household, in fact it downright sucked in April and May for me. Being glad that this year is now behind me though starts the "voices in my head" chattering away. "Be grateful, it could have been worse, blah, blah blah....." It may be my Catholic upbringing that causes me to feel guilty about almost everything - come to think of it, it MUST be thanks to my membership in the "one, true and only church".The one with the Catholic Guilt reputation, all you other club members know the one I mean. I remember my mom explaining that once a Catholic always a Catholic, you can't escape it without threat of eternal damnation. THAT always struck me as totally unfair. I mean, none of us gets a choice in the family we are born into and in what religion that family practices so how come you are stuck with what existed before the minute you enter the world? And to top it off, your parents go to hell if any of their children leave the fold! Talk about covering all the bases.........plus piling on another layer of guilt on the previous generation. Like parenting isn't already hard enough?
I better get back to what I had wanted to say before the above tangential rant and that is to say that as I welcome 2008, I feel guilty, in fact jinxed, to say that I am full of hope that this new year will not be anywhere near as bad as 2007. Ta- Dum, the guilt!! And why? Because, for all the turmoil of this last year, there were many bright spots too and I can imagine (though hate to) lots of other bad things that could have happend but didn't. How is THAT for twisted thinking??
The Not So Good
The year saw my previously wonderful, sensitive and caring husband take his final bow in that role. He allowed the "dark side" to finally take the lead and there turned out to be nothing I could say or do to bring back that other guy. There were even comments to the effect that this new harsh and hollow person was the "real one" all along, superb actor that he was. As hard as this has been to swallow, I am beginning to choke it down. I have no choice really. But things could have been worse and instead I have much to be happy about.........
The Good - in no particular order
Girlfriends. They really are forever and I have been wrapped into the arms of that sisterhood. I don't feel worthy of all of the love and support you have sent me ( this, another wonderful "gift" from the "unworthy and guilty" Catholic list) but am deeply grateful all the same.
Husbands of girlfriends. My wonderful girlfriends have wonderful husbands and the thoughts and insights that I have received have been of immeasurable help. Plus, there is nothing like a good old "guy" comment bluntly delivered in that way that only a guy can....'fuck him, he's a fool' often is just the thing I needed to hear, especially delivered in a male voice. Girls, you all know the one, it is where "that problem is now solved....Next." Often a very frustrating male quality but here it serves a worthy purpose.
Daughters. Four of them and each and every one the gift of my life. Their world too has been torn upside down and the grace and strength each of them has displayed in the face of all this truly awes and inspires me. I struggle to learn from them and am thankful that they have allowed their mom to swim through her sea of tears, thrown the occasional life raft and never given up on her.
Family. There is good reason for having lots of kids and I am living the proof of that. Without my sister, brothers, their wives and my cousins, the darkness of this year would have been all the more black.
Paris. The postcard city that has become my home. It is filled with "my tribe" as one friend aptly described. How many more signs could have been sent showing me that I am just where I am supposed to be? I have magically fit in here and am surrounded not only by beauty everyday, but some of the most welcoming and thoughtful people anyone could hope to meet.
Patrick. The name of our never to be born son, then, our uncontrollable puppy who, one too many times, foolishly escaped from the safety of our home, and now, a very nice Frenchman. As my cousin said - maybe he's your puppy sent back to watch over you and bring you some happiness. Nice thought. Gliding on the back of his moto, through a Parisian night lit by a movie set backdrop that is magically now my reality,I would pinch myself except I need to hold on tightly. Who would ever have guessed that I would be HERE at this time in my life, on the back of a motorcycle driven by a Frenchman, zipping down the Champs-Elysees at midnight? Only in the movies.......until now.
So as I can clearly see from this post that the Good clearly out weighs the Bad and that's even without listing lots of other good stuff that is coming up like starting graduate school and continuing cooking at Le Cordon Bleu. Looks like 2008 WILL be a very good year, just like 2007 wasn't all bad. Now that is my positive spin.
Happy New Year, Bonne Annee'
Too often windows are left unlocked even when care has been taken to lock all of the doors.
Posted by: pinnacle security | September 13, 2011 at 06:18 PM