I feel like the sheepish kid sneaking home with a bad report card hoping that no one would notice her arrival and ask any hard questions. I've been so negligent in my posts that I am beginning to wonder what the heck is going on in my subconscious that has been preventing me from even clicking onto my site.
As it turns out, having too much to talk about is just as big a block as having too little. That just may be the beginning of a new theory: An Abundant of Riches Prevents You From Spending or maybe: Writer's Block and the Problem of Too Much To Say. In any case, let me say that the last weeks (months?) have piled on the stuff and I have finally decided that I have to start somewhere in the attempt to reconnect with whomever enjoys reading this blog and probably also with myself.
Remember when your best friend in high school suddenly got a boyfriend? "Going steady" often meant dropping out of normal girlfriend life and obsessing with the new drama of "Him". The newly "coupled" friend quickly becomes a distant memory leaving a gap in the formerly closed circle of friends. Life moves on without her. There is the fear that once she decides to reappear, there will be no one left to welcome her back.
I have the sinking feeling that the above situation could be mine in regards to this blog. I hope not. If there is one thing to learn from this part of my new life experience, it is that I definitely have no road map and therefore mistakes and failures are all but impossible to for see and avoid. But there is a good side to that. There is next to no one waiting on the other side of a bungle to say I told you so. And also, even better, I am old enough to withstand the creeping guilt of not doing what I am supposed to do, whatever that really is.
So I begin again. Get back on the horse and start to sift through the fallout of the last few months and the impact on my psyche.
I do have a "significant other" in my life now and I can't pretend that he has not had an impact on my writing functionality and proliferation's or lack thereof. Believe me, you are thrown back to square one in many respects when you begin a new love relationship, no matter the age. Now instead of girlfriend complications, I have kid complications, his and mine. A new road to travel with unfortunately much more important consequences than the old teenage ones. Thank goodness between us, we have 6 fantastic kids, who are all generally happy and well balanced, though not without the typical adolescent and in my case, post adolescent struggles. We run the gamut of ages, all in a short row - 15, 17, 18, 20, 22, 23 years old. I fear that there is more gray hairs to come, if it is possible that I could have any more gray!
I am reluctant to save this post in a draft folder for fear that it will sit there too long so here it goes - out to my stale blog with I promise, a quick follow up to come.
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