I have received Happy Anniversary wishes for my Blog and I feel very lucky. Thank you to everyone. This is a birthday that I do not mind. The other day I passed the half year mark in my personal birth calendar. Being officially 50 and a half means that I can no longer say that I just turned 50 - I have until October 27th ALWAYS included the just. Childish I know. It's kind of the reverse of when I was a kid and answered any question about my age with a proud - I am 7 AND A HALF. The and a half was very important and never left out.
Ahhh youth. I miss it. At least some of it.
But now that 6 months have passed since my birthday I am officially 50 in my mind and must face it. No more dodging.
What a year it has been. When I started this blog a year ago I was freshly reeling from my husband's shocking departure from our marriage. I was searching for a new, more affordable apartment. I was beginning Le Cordon Bleu, a fulfillment of what had become a bittersweet dream of attending the most famous cooking school in the world. I had begun dating - a daunting activity when I had been the other half of someone else for 25+ years and still loved that other half too. I had just been accepted to graduate school to learn a new "real" career that would hopefully allow me to support myself and my girls as we pieced our lives back together.
My cousin suggested beginning a blog back then. Told me it would be good therapy and that others would probably benefit from reading my stories and my struggles. I am glad that I listened to her. I only wish that I had been more diligent and more revealing of what all else has transpired this year. Why? Because I would know even more of my unconscious today. Did you know that writing is a way of discovering what is in the big black hole of our unconscious mind? It is true. If you put a pen in your hand (or a keyboard under your fingertips) and begin to just write stuff comes out that you did not know was even there. There are secrets and mysteries waiting to be discovered right within our grasp. The more you write the more you end up knowing about yourself. That is why I probably should have done more blogging. But as they say in France - tant pis - loosely translated - oh well, what can you do about it now?
During this last year thanks to my advanced age coupled with the clarity that comes from struggling through a sea of shit, I have bumped into what should have been obvious truths that were hiding right in front of me. I want to find out even more about them and this blog will be one of my best tools.
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