Birthdays and presents

Yesterday was my 2 youngest daughters' birthdays. They were born 2 years apart on the same day making April 13th a bit of a holiday in our family, at least in past years. That was part of the problem yesterday for me. So many things have changed, sometimes the sadness insists on being felt. It pokes it's way through my carefully constructed fabric of happiness, making a messy hole.

Paris was sunny and mild with a slight breeze blowing our hair as Jane and I set off for a birthday lunch. I wanted her to have a special day and do what would please her most. Her first request was to sleep in as long as she could. Done, it was almost 3 pm.

"You know mom, my birthday should really be a celebration for you not for me" she commented as we strolled towards the restaurant. "After all, I didn't really DO anything, you were the one who did all the work and accomplished the birthing of me, it really is YOUR day not mine."

Interesting thought actually. It made be think back on that day. Peter arriving at the hospital with my three babies to peer at the newest girl in the tribe. Anne, just 2 years old that day, climbed up onto the bed next to me and poked shyly at the bundle on my lap.

"Baby" she whispered.

Happy Birthday Annie, you have a baby sister as your present.

My curly topped 2 year old was now half way around the world from her mommy  celebrating HER birthday on a beach in Ecuador. My babies are scattered all over the world, their safe little family broken apart.

Thinking and remembering all this yesterday started me down a weepy path. Back then I was the special young mommy that all those little girls looked to for almost everything. And their Daddy thought that I was pretty special too. I don't really understand how that all changed.

See, this is how my stupid mind works sometimes. One thought, leads to another and I can get my mind all tangled up in a sticky sadness web.

My therapist told me that when I start down this road to just say "Stop!".

Okay, I stopped.

During the lunch Jane gave me a little gift when she told me that though her life has changed completely over the past 3 years and that has sometimes meant loss and confusion for her, whatever price she has paid, it has all been more than worth it to her. She would never trade the experiences that have been her's living in Paris for anything.

She was right, my wise baby girl. Her words were a gift for me on HER birthday.

Comments

[expat on the go]

Mary,
Your girls are smart, independant, responsable young women. THAT'S the beautiful continuation of the family. You were and always will be - a wonderful mom.
B

[mary]

Thanks Brigit! I truly appreciate your encouragement - sometimes I just get bogged down with sadness and worry about my girls being sad too. Life as a Mom.

[yfc]

Mary,
They do in fact save the best for last!
Happy birthday girls and you too, for them, because of You!
yfc

[Carrie Dern]

And, Happy Mother's Day, too! You still are the best mom for your girls, and don't think they don't know it! You're the best!

Hugs,
Carrie