When you read a reinvention story or other heart warming tale it all seems so well organized with the ending invariably up-lifting. Nobody tells you the secret that those in the story know but don't reveal - ---
that they didn't know that there would be an uplifting ending to the story while they were in the middle of it and that that "middle" was the only reality that they knew at the time. What was obviously a break-through moment in the story was only so in retrospect AND that the process of getting stronger and surviving takes an inordinately long time with little evidence of progress along the way.
The above is a pretty good description of what I have recently figured out.
I am in that middle mentioned above and I keep on telling myself that it IS the middle along the way to the end. Well, not the end end, that's just how I am describing scaling the last hurdle that I can see from where I stand today. I am also now wise enough to know that just when I scale this last visible hurdle, its pesky cousin hurdles will elbow their way into line right behind so in effect I will probably never finish jumping. But for now, I can't worry about those future unknown challenges, I am busy with the ones that I can see. Some of those are:
1. Finish my divorce. For someone so intent on running away to his next life as quickly as he could, my ex husband certainly is dragging his feet to finish what he started.
2. Clean up all the debris left behind from that husband's inelegant escape. Selling properties, avoiding foreclosures, paying debts, stopping the bleeding, giving up on my credit score............I am learning more than I ever wanted to know about all this stuff and believe me - it is ugly.
After these unappealing chores are completed I will be relieved.
I know that I have some things to enjoy in my new life and am looking forward to not having the mess from my past keep on crashing the party. I will feel that I have gotten through the middle and come out the other side.
Maybe I will have a good reinvention story to share.
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