Bureaucratic, ridiculous and oh so French

I am a Southern California girl, my identity can be mistaken by some today, apparently fooled by my outward Parisian elegance(hah!!) - that is until I open my mouth to reveal my sexy american accent - but in deeply ingrained layers, I am the girl that grew up in LA.

So? Well one of those deeply ingrained characteristics of being from LA is that one is practically born behind the wheel. You cannot live in the LA basin or anywhere in Southern California without 4 wheels and a driver's license and I am old enough to say that I have been behind that wheel for 35 years.

I need to get legal here in Paris - not that I haven't been driving in my new hometown already but I have been enjoying the freedom of not being the owner of a car after practically having one in my bed the better part of my life. I have been lucky - no gendarme has had reason to stop me, no accidents (knock on wood) with surly taxi drivers, no mishaps at all have befallen me whenever I borrowed a car and put my CA drivers license in my pocket just in case.

But now with the job and all I think that I will have to break down and become an owner again - and that comes with the need for insurance and that brings me face to face with one of the most bureaucratic and ridiculous of all the bureaucratic and ridiculous systems that the French have taken pride in inventing.

L'auto école. Never mind those 35+ years behind the wheel - they don't care a whit. To get a license in France, unless you happen to be from one of 11 obscure states, or maybe its 14 - whatever - (apologies to those states - California isn't included regardless, obscure or not) that offer reciprocity IF you turn in that license for a French one within the first year of your arrival (see, it's starting already - the ridiculous part) - you MUST go to the infamous l'auto école (driving school), pay upwards of 1000 euros, compile a dossier of all the famous French stuff (5 id photos, certified translation of your VALID USA license, application in triplicate, 3 locks of hair from your first born sealed in self addressed stamped envelops---------just kidding..............about the hair that is....... and then start studying. And study and study, most of that study is performed in front of endless instruction DVD's full of trick questions and hidden traps - kind of like the real exam.

When you are deemed ready, you sit for a written exam on le code and THEN if you pass that, not a slam dunk by any means, you get to graduate to behind the wheel training with an instructor in one of those bright red (in my school's case) trainer cars with the taxi cab style sign on the roof Auto Ecole which is code for WATCH OUT inexperienced and probably dangerous driver about to stop in front of you for no apparent reason - - -  and THEN once deemed safe on the French roads you have the pleasure of going for your LIVE DRIVING test with the ever so kind and patient (NOT.. by all received accounts) French driving examiner and THEN, IF you pass sometime after all the requisite stamping and triplicate forms, oh and a certified medical exam......you finally have the coveted pink permis B in your hot little hand.

I TOLD you it was bureaucratic and ridiculous - and I even left out the part about having to have my application to even start the process approved by the Perfecture de Police.

I went to my first scintillating DVD session this week. In the practice exam I lost count of my mistakes - in the real one to come you are only allowed 5. 5 out of 40 questions in which there are sometimes up to 3 imbedded questions which means that you are actually allowed 5 errors out of up to 120 questions.

I don't even want to think about my odds........

Comments

[Brigitt Heger]

Ah! Mary, Mary, Mary!!! I 'wasted' 4 good months of my Paris experience by going to 'driving school' 4 days a week (I used to give myself Fridays off!). I managed to fail the fist time (by 1 question!). I passed the driving first shot, though!
Paul used to laugh at me because he has always called me 'the Amish driver' (hence, I go at a horse and buggy pace). I've never had an accident (knock on wood) and had 1 speed ticket (20 miles over speed limit) in MY 25 years of driving!
New Jersey isn't 'reciprical', so I had to endure that HELL! But, once you get it - YIPPEE!!!
Good luck and be patient - and be VERY 'conservative' when taking the test. Don't take any chances. Memorize everything by heart (signs, speed limits, etc...) and you'll be fine.
Brigittxx

[Carrie Dern]

How long is this L'Auto Ecole? Did you say 4 months, Brigitt?! I think I would shoot myself. Hang in there Mary!